What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions (Alternate Reality News Service) (Volume 6), by Ira Nayman
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What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions (Alternate Reality News Service) (Volume 6), by Ira Nayman
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Life is a chaotic soup whose recipe is a constantly changing mix of often unsavoury ingredients, and nobody appears to have a copy of the cookbook (although, god knows, many people claim to). Where can you find somebody to help you through the maze of chicken gumbo and cabbage borscht broths? The Alternate Reality News Service, of course! Our advice columnists are happy to help you navigate the incomprehensible menu of bisques, consommes and chowders to find the meaning at the bottom of your personal soup bowl! In What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions, you will learn: • what to do if your bosses go into a mystery room and don’t come out for three weeks; • why it may not be a good idea to reveal your online porn viewing preferences to anybody actually online; • how to act when events you see in your Home Universe Generator(TM) appear to be happening in your own universe; • what it means when a player in the online girl’s game Cotton Candy Mountain starts talking about jihad, and; • what people are actually doing when they use a miniature rake on their tongues. You may not find the meaning you need in your own life (that’s why readers are encouraged to submit their own questions), but at least you’ll be able to laugh at the absurdity of whatever the hell other people were thinking. It may not be as tasty as your mom's chicken soup, but at least it won't nag you about when you're going to get married!
What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions (Alternate Reality News Service) (Volume 6), by Ira Nayman - Published on: 2015-03-21
- Original language: English
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .82" w x 6.00" l,
- Binding: Paperback
- 362 pages
What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions (Alternate Reality News Service) (Volume 6), by Ira Nayman
Where to Download What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions (Alternate Reality News Service) (Volume 6), by Ira Nayman
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0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Clever, funny alternative advice column By Amazon Customer Those of us in the know already know that the news mostly isn’t new and largely fabricated by journalists who cannot work to deadlines if they have to find real information. In other words newspapers and broadcast news is so edited, rushed and desperate for catchy headlines that it might as well be fiction. So, why not get your news as a form of entertainment as a metafiction? [Fiction that deals, often playfully and self-referentially, with the writing of fiction or its conventions. – thefreedictionary.com] Once again we are treated to a perfect example of fictionalised news in the Alternate Reality News Service vicariously penned by Ira Nayman. In this instance we go straight to what every newspaper and magazine reader loves the most—the agony aunt columns. Okay, so some of them aren’t relationships but technical, but those are agony too and thus treated to Nayman’s deliciously whacky sense of wit and humour.Two main journalists cover readers’ questions. Amritsar is a devilishly, fiendish female reporter who wears leg warmers around her spine because what some readers ask her sends shivers up and down her spine so much. TAG (with or without a #) is Tech Answer Guy who often can’t believe the ineptitude of some readers with the consequence of ludicrously funny exchanges during which the editor has to intervene. Great example of insult-tennis over 8 pages from p128.Yo, Tomtom,Every kid says that, but every kid does it.The Tech Answer GuyYo, Tech Answer Guy,Not me.Sincerely,Tommy from TacomaYo, Toms,Even you.The Tech Answer GuyYo, Tech Answer Guy,No way.Sincerely,Tommy from TacomaYo, Thompson,Way.The Tech Answer Guy...[EDITRIX-IN-CHIEF BRENDA BRUNDTLAND-GOVANNI: Jesus Begesus, you both suck! Do you have any idea how much slapping I would be doing at this very moment if there wasn’t a minor present?]...Often the points raised to TAG are about technology that’s so nearly here they might actually already be on your phone without you being smart enough to know it. Take the Far Kempt app: a brilliant piece about a phone app that makes your calls to a taxi firm. It analyses your journeys and via probability calculations it ‘knows’ what you’ve been up to. Eg Glory Holes are your illicit visits to a sexual partner unknown to your spouse, whereas Gory Holes are where you meet with hit men to arrange removal of said spouse, or maybe the sexual partner becoming too demanding, one way or another...There’s graphs with this piece too—marvellous.I felt in my pocket with irony at agony advice to a woman on Mars escaping her jilted ex to ‘be wary of nitro-glycerine being snuck into your re-cycled water’. Like millions of others who allowed game-playing cardiologist shove stents into my coronary artery, I carry a nitrolingual pump spray of GTN, which is basically nitro-glycerine. Just don’t mess with me or I’ll throw it at yer—d’yer hear?Another piece of personal interest to me is one on ‘le droit a l’oubli’ the right for individuals to insist that Google and other web databases remove personal information. TAG explores the logical consequences of the world disappearing up its own backside as forgetting becomes such a personal right taken to extremes. I cringed with recollection of my ARIA Trilogy–ironically about infectious amnesia—because Wikipedia deleted the page about it created by my publisher’s publicist. If you search there for ARIA Trilogy now it is says it doesn’t exist, did you mean Area? The Wikipedia police force said it was removed because it (and by association, me) was insufficiently notable to be worthy of an entry. This in spite of it winning two awards (admittedly minor) and the only novel to be about infectious amnesia. At least they didn’t delete me, yet, and Wikipedia’s rival database, wikia.com does have an entry on ARIA TrilogyOnce again Ira Nayman, as the proprietor of the Alternate Reality News Service has come up with a genius collection of short pieces that will have you in stitches yet wondering if these futuristic alternatives are already here. To help you in the usual manner of not, there is an index at the back. It speaks volumes that you’d have to know what the near-random chapter titles mean in order for it to make sense: a kind of joker in the tail.Highly commended.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. A hilarious, satirical and unique science fiction book By "Seregil of Rhiminee" Ira Nayman's What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions! is one of the best and most amusing humour books available for speculative fiction readers. I was impressed by it, because it was good and wonderfully satirical entertainment from start to finish.Before I write more about this book and its contents, I'll present three questions to the readers:1) Do you like science fiction humour?2) Do you enjoy reading humorous books and stories?3) Have you ever wanted to read a book that's so funny that you'll often find yourself laughing out loud while reading it?If you answered "yes" to these questions, look no further, because you've found what you're looking for. Ira Nayman's What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions! is an excellent book for you, because 1) it contains science fiction humour, 2) it's an enjoyable book for readers who want to read funny and humorous books and stories, and 3) you'll most likely laugh out loud when you read it.What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions! is part of the brilliant Alternate Reality News Service series. It's full of humour that will please fans of clever and satirical humour. It's a perfect companion book to The Alternate Reality News Service's Guide to Love, Sex and Robots, which was published in 2013 (if you've read The Alternate Reality News Service's Guide to Love, Sex and Robots and liked it, you have to read this book).This book doesn't have a normal and traditional narrative structure, because it's a guide book. The contents of this book have been divided into five sections:1. "Just because it happened doesn't mean it's true."2. "If you can't stand the Heat, get out of Miami."3. "Lepidopterist trolls are the worst."4. "Viruses are not fashion accessories."5. "Lovers Lane - secluded haven for dozens of horny teenage couples every night."6. "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"(The greetings cards that can be found at the beginning of each section add a nice touch of style to the book.)What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions! opens with an interesting glimpse into a meeting between Brenda Brundtland-Govanni (the editrix-in-chief of the Alternate Reality News Service), Amritsar Al-Falloudjianapour, The Tech Answer Guy, The Biz Whiz and The Language Corrector Dude. This is an amusing glimpse into what happens when different kind of persons sit around the table and discuss things and totally ignore The Language Corrector Dude. This meeting gives readers an opportunity to see what the author has in store for his readers, because it offers a good sample of his sense of humour.This book is a collection of questions and answers from two unique advice columns, Ask Amritsar and Ask The Tech Answer Guy (Quiz The Biz Whiz advice column also makes an appearance in this book). If you happen to think that this book is your normal kind of advice book, you'd better think again, because there's nothing normal about this book. Nothing is too bizarre or crazy for Amritsar and The Tech Answer Guy, because they give advice to all kinds of problems that range from romantic problems to technical problems. I can guarantee that this book will astound you with its wondrous contents, because it offers unique, satirical and imaginative advice to various problems.What's common for all the questions in this book is that people who ask the questions are in need of serious advice, because they've made bad choices etc. We all know that it isn't nice to laugh at anybody's misfortune or bad choices, but in this case it's allowed to laugh at them, because this is a humour book and some of the questions are delightfully absurd and fascinatingly weird.This advice book is a brilliant and stingingly funny satire/parody of normal advice books and advice columns. Everyone who has ever read any kind of advice columns will easily notice how clever the author is and how well he manages to add a satirical edge to the many different themes and issues mentioned in this book. Nothing is safe from Ira Nayman's quirky and sharp humour, because he unbiasedly delivers new, funny and thought-provoking perspectives to different problems. His stinging humour will please all readers who love clever and witty humour.I was amazed at the author's vast knowledge about popular culture, because all the references to popular culture are inventive and fit the prose perfectly. I'm sure that if you have any kind of knowledge about popular culture - books, films, music, singers, actors, actresses etc - you'll be laughing out loud at many points when you read this book.I have to mention separately that because I'm an IT engineer/consultant by profession, it was fascinating for me to read about what kind of advice was given to problems related to technology, computers, e-book readers etc. I'll also mention have to mention that such things as World of Warcraft, Facebook, Goodreads etc also get a humorous treatment in this book.It was fascinating to read about digital tattoos that displayed favourite TV shows and advertisements. I also enjoyed reading about 3D printers etc, because the author wrote well about technology and new inventions.It's interesting that the author even manages to refer to terrorism in an intriguing way in this book. This is something that not many authors are capable of doing.Relationships and sex get an unforgettably satirical, sarcastic and sharp treatment in this book. The author offers interesting views about sexuality to his readers. For example, it was amusing to read about how the society has changed and how getting porn has changed over the years and what kind of effects it has had on people.It was fascinating to read about how cloning could effect a person's love and sex life. The answer to this question was totally unique and included observant comments about clones. I also enjoyed reading about how a person noticed that sex can be found everywhere. The answer to this problem was unique, because it involved Augmented Reality Spex that could be configured in different ways.It's great that the author manages to address such relationship problems as difficulties with a new version of one's boyfriend in this book in a funny way. This is something that is seldom found in humorous books.Because I'm a big fan of Lovecraftian weird fiction, it was intriguing that even Cthulhu was mentioned in this book. It was a positive surprise.In my opinion the questions sent by "Tommy from Tacoma" and The Tech Answer Guy's answers to them demonstrated well the author's ability to write something different. It was fun to read these questions and answers, because "Tommy from Tacoma" and The Tech Answer Guy went a bit too far and Brenda Brundtland-Govanni had to step in to put a stop to what they were doing.Here's a few additional examples of what readers can expect from this book:The question sent by "Grabby MacElmore" is a good example of a funny question that deals with sexuality. The question sent by Indus Fischel is an interesting question about Home Universe GeneratorTM and the lives of the question sender's different versions in other universes. The questions and answers related to computer games and game reviews are also very amusing- Readers will also get to know what kind of a phone app Far Klempt is and they will find out many other things.What I've described here is only a small part of what this book has to offer for readers. You're in for a real treat when you begin to read this book.One of the best things about this book is that the author assumes that his readers are intelligent and capable of thinking for themselves. It's great that he doesn't underestimate his readers in any way. The more you know about the world around you, the more you'll enjoy this book.Ira Nayman's humour is pretty close to Douglas Adams' humour, but goes far beyond it. I know that many readers are fond of Douglas Adams' books and consider them to be the best humorous science fiction books ever written. I dare say that Ira Nayman's humour is sharper than Douglas Adams' humour, because he writes different kind of humour and dares to be more satirical. He has courage to write sharp and stinging prose that sparkles with creativity and imagination in a unique way. Ira Nayman's humour is almost like a love child between Douglas Adams and Monty Python that has been baptized by David Sedaris and Stephen Fry.Just like in Ira Nayman's earlier book (The Alternate Reality News Service's Guide to Love, Sex and Robots), the answers given by Amritsar Al-Falloudjianapour and The Tech Answer Guy often reflect their personal views about certain issues. This adds a fascinating and deliciously juicy flavour to their brilliantly satirical and funny yet observant answers. One of the best things about this book is that the answers are often totally unpredictable and may include all kind of advice and comments that you wouldn't normally associate with the problems. It's nice that in this book the author reveals a bit more information about these two characters and their preferences, because it adds depth to the characters.All of the problems are unique and original, and so are the answers. I can guarantee that you won't find anything like this anywhere else, because only Ira Nayman can write something like this. He's truly a one of a kind author when it comes to writing satirical science fiction prose.I'm sure that when you finish reading this book, you can't help but wonder how the author has managed to write it, because it's brilliant in many ways. It's simply amazing that the author has come up with all the humorous material in this book, because nothing feels forced.Ira Nayman's humour is wonderfully satirical and witty. He has his own kind of writing style, and he even dares to address many difficult themes and issues that are normally left untouched by most authors. Not many authors are capable of writing this kind of humorous prose, because it takes plenty of talent and vision to write something like this.I have to mention that it was interesting that the author managed to make a funny comment about his own book (The Street Finds Its Own Uses for Mutant Technologies) in one of the answers.When I read this book I noticed that the author has unrestrained enthusiasm when it comes to entertaining his readers. He fluently writes about all kinds of problems and solutions to the problems, and he never lets them become dull or boring. The questions and answers are at their best brilliantly absurd and "out of this world".This book was so funny that I laughed out loud on many occasions while reading it. I don't normally laugh out loud while reading books, but in this case I just couldn't help it, because the author's stinging comments about certain things were genuinely funny and inventive. The previous book, The Alternate Reality News Service's Guide to Love, Sex and Robots, caused me a couple of sleepless nights, because I couldn't stop reading the questions and answers and so did this book too (reading this book is worth a couple of sleepless nights).I look forward to reading more from Ira Nayman, because he's one of the few modern authors who genuinely manage to write something different. He's also one of those rare authors who have a talent for writing satirical prose that's coated with witty and perceptive commentary about modern way of life and internet culture.If you've ever read Douglas Adams, David Sedaris, Stephen Fry or other similar authors and have liked their books and stories, you should take a look at this book, because Ira Nayman's humour will most likely be to your liking. If you're already familiar with the Ira Nayman's books, you should read this book immediately, because it's humorous entertainment from start to finish. (By the way, when you begin to read this book, it's good to be prepared to chuckle, giggle and laugh out loud on many occasions.)Excellent and hilarious humour book!
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Charles Dickens on Acid... (But it's a good thing!) By Boom Baby Reviews (I received this book free in exchange for an honest review. It received a 4.5 on my blog.)Seriously, there’s nothing like reading an Ira Nayman 'Alternate Reality News Service' story. There really isn’t.Nayman’s stories are hysterical and I found myself laughing out loud several times, grateful I had the foresight to not be drinking anything at that moment. Yet for all the humor and the zaniness (and there’s a word you don’t get to use every day), and the total unabashed lack of anything resembling “political correctness,” there is strikingly on point satire in its social commentary. It’s like if you took Jane Austen or Charles Dickens, set them down in 2015, gave them acid and then had them write a book.This is Ira Nayman’s work."What the Hell Were You Thinking?" is even more this way because of the Q&A format of the book, which is the source of its strength and my primary complaint. 340 pages of just Q&A style without any narrative was a little wearing, but worth the read. 4.5 Fireballs.
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What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions (Alternate Reality News Service) (Volume 6), by Ira Nayman
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What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions (Alternate Reality News Service) (Volume 6), by Ira Nayman
What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions (Alternate Reality News Service) (Volume 6), by Ira Nayman
What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions (Alternate Reality News Service) (Volume 6), by Ira Nayman
What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions (Alternate Reality News Service) (Volume 6), by Ira Nayman
